My journey to self-love and finding ways to soften the hardness that had settled within my heart. 

In the earlier stages of my life, I experienced some of the lowest, darkest moments of my journey. I was a woman with a little self-love, bottling everything inside and unable to express my feelings, emotions, or anything that bothered me. My self-love was invisible.

During a long-term relationship, I suffered several hurts but always put them behind me, choosing to ignore them because I did not want to lose what I had. Instead of expressing how I really felt, I held on to each hurt within my heart. Over the years, we shared many joyful moments and much love, but I always felt the need to do my best to avoid being hurt again.

I fell pregnant, which was not planned. Lacking the communication skills to express how I felt, I agreed to have an abortion. I remember going in for the scan just before it was scheduled, wishing and hoping that something would stop it from happening, but it didn’t. This left a big hole in my heart. I felt hurt, guilt, and pain. I could not speak to anyone about it because I had agreed to keep it quiet. It was incredibly hard for me, as I was hurting inside and didn’t know how to communicate my feelings to my ex-partner.

I share my story in the hope that it resonates with women who have experienced trauma or feel disconnected from themselves, encouraging them to seek love and acceptance within.

Years later, we made a joint decision to have a baby. I was so excited and happy because no one knew how I felt about the previous pregnancy and how much I longed for a child. When my little girl was born, it seemed like a time of celebration, but that didn’t last long as things started to turn sour. I began to feel invisible and unloved, with trust issues and a lack of communication.

I felt that the way I nurtured my baby, and the way my mother helped me as a first-time mother, became a problem. The lying and third-party behaviours such as being sneaky with my daughter started to take a toll. I felt distant and disconnected in all communication with my daughter. I was made to feel unwanted, and my safe space began to feel untrustworthy and insecure.

I began to feel really stressed and confused. All I could do was replay the drama over and over in my head while trying to adapt to becoming a new mother and wondering what was happening to my long-term relationship. I was in distress and, unable to express my feelings or emotions, I would stay in my bedroom with my daughter until we were ready to leave the house. We wouldn’t return until it was bedtime.

This left me feeling numb, tired, stressed, and emotional. Home felt so negative and unsettling. Bottling up so much, I would break down often, crying and falling to my knees as I was being lied to. The behaviour was strange, and I just didn’t feel secure anymore. 

Sometimes, I would go without eating or have the bare minimum, like crackers, to save food for my daughter. We kept ourselves in one room to stay warm because I couldn't afford enough gas or electricity to heat the whole house.

I began to look for ways to de-stress, bring calmness to myself, and open up vocally. I turned to spiritual practices like meditation and intuitive healing, using candles. These practices helped me tremendously, allowing me to tap into my inner strength and find my voice.

I began to speak up about how I was feeling, which felt great and created space to see if things could get better. Ultimately, the relationship came to an end. Although I knew I wasn’t fully prepared to handle everything on my own, I chose this path because I needed to find happiness and peace within.

After the relationship ended, I struggled to make ends meet. I had to pay all the bills myself, buy food, and purchase my daughter’s snacks for the nursery, which became overwhelming. I was losing work, so it started to feel impossible. Sometimes, I would go without eating or have the bare minimum, like crackers, to save food for my daughter. We kept ourselves in one room to stay warm because I couldn't afford enough gas or electricity to heat the whole house.

I started to reach out to some family members for support, and while they were helpful, I didn’t want to abuse their generosity. I remained mindful of how much we were using, trying to conserve as much as possible.

I reached my lowest, darkest point. I felt depressed, lost, hurt, and at times like I could not continue my life journey. But my daughter kept me going. My supportive family kept me going. The inner strength and love I would feel when meditating, journaling, and moving my body kept me going. 

I started to practise more feminine embodied movement to reconnect with my softness and ease the heaviness in my heart. I would meditate more than twice a day and journal whilst using candles. All of this was really helping me and showing me the true meaning of helping others. 

As I moved in a more feminine way and practised meditation, I began to feel softness and light within. I started to feel unconditional love for myself. I loved my raw authenticity. I felt a sense of inner strength and a connection to my feminine self. 

Already in the wellbeing sector, focusing on fitness and mindfulness, I felt a strong calling to share and support women who struggle to love themselves. My rebranding aimed to help women who feel unseen, unheard, or burdened by past traumas to find self-love and balance, to soften the hardness in their hearts. I support women through practices like self-love exercises, releasing techniques, meditations, women’s circles, feminine embodiment, and mindfulness. I provide safe spaces through day retreats, weekend getaways, and private one-on-one sessions. 

No matter what you’ve been through or are currently facing, remember that you can release its hold on you. Finding self-love is a beautiful journey. By forgiving yourself and others, you’ll feel lighter. No woman deserves to suffer in silence. Women supporting women in safe spaces is so powerful.

I share my story in the hope that it resonates with women who have experienced trauma or feel disconnected from themselves, encouraging them to seek love and acceptance within. I hope you know you are not alone, spaces like mine are here to help you rediscover love and light within yourself, feel free, and find your inner strength and the authentic beauty that is uniquely yours.