How Sisterhood Helped Me To Heal After An Abusive Relationship

I was in an abusive relationship. It took two years of my life. It took another two for me to realise it was abusive. When we were together, I thought he was my person. He held me and, in many ways, healed me. He also hurt me, devastated me, and left me broken. My sisters helped build me back up again.

I met him through mutual friends. We spoke briefly at a networking event (we had a mutual friend, one whom I later found out he had harassed) and then, to my surprise, he sought me out on social media. We spent the next few months getting to know one another. It started as a friendship (sort of) before growing more intimate. From this moment, the unravelling began. 

Where he was once friendly, courteous and kind, he soon became cold, cutting and cruel. The words of encouragement, gentlemanly behaviour and softness became criticisms, evasiveness and punishments when I didn’t oblige to his ever-growing demands. It got to the point where I couldn’t make decisions of my own. From what I ate to what I wore to my career choices, he became a looming figure, ready to chastise and stonewall me if I went against his wishes. When I did obey his demands, I wouldn’t receive any praise or warmth. Instead, I’d receive further condescendence.  

I became a shell of a person. I was hostile to others around me when I wasn’t with him. I couldn’t properly internalise what he was doing to me while I was with him. And I found myself getting angry at myself for wanting to be with him. To be wanting to go back to a space of hurt and pain. Friends pleaded, family members warned, and I started feeling that whatever ‘this’ was it was clearly not right. At two years in, I was at my breaking point.